The Courage to Be Kind to Ourselves

Addressing the Self-Compassion Gap

Vitality. It’s the word guiding our year, and shaping how we approach energy, growth, and well-being. So far in 2025, we’ve explored Emotional Energy, the power of small actions, and how boundaries create space for renewal. This month, we turned our focus inward—to self-compassion.

During our recent DRIVEN Community (Lab) meeting, we set the tone in a discussion about just that by posing a simple yet profound question: Are you a cozy blanket or a deep breath? It sparked reflection on how we offer comfort—to ourselves and to others. A cozy blanket provides warmth and security, while a deep breath centers and steadies us. Both are acts of care, yet many of us struggle to extend the same kindness inward.

The Self-Compassion Gap

For many of us, offering kindness and understanding to others comes naturally. Yet when we turn inward, we are often met with a harsher voice—one shaped by societal expectations, cultural conditioning, and lifelong patterns of self-judgment. Many of us have harsh inner critics! Conditioned by external pressures and personal histories, self-compassion seems counterintuitive, like steering into a skid.

Elizabeth Gilbert recently wrote, "Self-loathing is a rampant virus in our contemporary culture — so prevalent as to have become the default setting in most of our minds. Seldom do we even stop to question whether it is normal or healthy to live within a consciousness that is constantly attacking, judging, and insulting itself. But to condemn yourself as unlovable is to swallow a terrible lie. And to believe that you must earn love through perfectionism, or that you must seek love from others in order to become whole, turns all of us into hungry beggars.” Self-loathing is deeply embedded in our culture, making self-compassion a radical act.

In our discussion, we explored some of the myths that keep us from practicing it:

“Self-compassion is self-indulgent.” (Truth: It fosters resilience, not weakness.)

“I have to earn rest.” (Truth: Rest is a necessity, not a luxury.)

Being hard on myself helps me improve.” (Truth: Self-criticism erodes confidence and motivation.)

We also discussed how our upbringing and parental influence shaped our views on self-compassion. Many of us were raised to believe that toughness builds character, no pain - no gain, or that mistakes define us. Yet through reflection and shared experiences, we realized self-compassion is not innate—it is nurtured over time.

In breakout rooms, we examined these barriers and recognized that practicing self-compassion is an act of courage. It means meeting ourselves with the same understanding we would offer to a friend. It’s not about avoiding accountability but rather fostering the emotional energy needed to keep growing. Self-compassion is not a reward; it is a prerequisite for resilience, growth, and sustainable well-being.

Tiny Actions, Big Impact

If vitality is our goal, self-compassion is the fuel. So how do we integrate it into daily life? Our community shared small but powerful strategies:

Compassionate self-talk. One participant shared how she’s working to replace self-judgment with curiosity. Instead of saying, “I failed,” she now asks, “What can I learn from this?”

Daily rituals. Someone in the group committed to starting her mornings with a gratitude journal, taking a mindful pause before meetings, and allowing herself a moment to acknowledge emotions without judgment.

Physical gestures of care. As one participant described how placing a hand on his heart helps him reconnect with himself, many in the group responded with affirmative nods and floating emojis, resonating deeply with the sentiment.

Boundaries with self-compassion. One member shared how she’s learning to recognize when to say no, honor her limits, and grant herself permission to rest without guilt. I say AMEN to that!

Seeking connection. This theme resonated with many in the group, as we collectively recognized the grounding effect of sharing struggles and insights. A participant spoke about how voicing her experiences made her feel less alone and deepened her sense of belonging, a realization that was met with nods of agreement and visible support from others.

Acknowledging vulnerabilities. One participant committed to recognizing her vulnerabilities and not taking responsibility for uncontrollable situations—a shift that fosters both self-compassion and emotional resilience.

One of the most resonant moments from our session came when we reframed self-compassion as contagious. When we practice it, we silently give permission to others to do the same. Imagine the ripple effect of a world where we collectively treat ourselves with more grace.

The Lab: A Space for Growth

Self-compassion isn’t just a concept; it’s a practice. At the DRIVEN Community Lab, we are committed to growth, resilience, and lifelong learning. Our sessions challenge limiting beliefs, offer fresh perspectives, and foster deep connections. If you’ve been seeking a space to explore these ideas in community, we’d love for you to join us.

As I, personally, continue my exploration of vitality, I invite you to take one small action this week: Practice one act of self-compassion daily. Maybe it’s pausing for a breath, rewriting your inner dialogue, or simply allowing yourself a moment of rest.

Your future self will thank you.

Is Coaching for you? Are you ready for it? Sign up HERE for a 15-minute Complimentary Coaching Consult to find out.